Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Because Red Pandas are People Too

Though a relatively new phenomenon, the RPC can in fact be traced back to one snowy winter's day in December 2010.

So, what to do with a Saturday afternoon when football's been postponed and you've wasted £40 on a train ticket? I've done what most people would do: look at pictures of red pandas.
  Originating from Nepal and China, red pandas are nearing extinction due to deforestation and poaching. In China, it is believed that the wearing of a panda's tail as a hat by newlyweds will bring a long and fruitful marriage.
  And whilst divorces occur all over China and red pandas die for nothing, their habitat is being stripped down and their main food source of bamboo being taken away. However, my own in-depth research has led me to believe that red pandas are evolving at a fast, varied rate.
  In order to warn away would-be predators, they've begun to take on slightly different forms and develop in much the same way Pokemon found in and around the Solomon Islands have. New subspecies and genus have been spotted, advanced defence mechanisms sighted, and a new hope has lit the hearts of red panda lovers everywhere.

  Here we have Curious Panda. Similar to normal pandas, they instead choose to walk upright and thus confuse their enemies. Growing upto 3 feet tall, they are similar in size, stature and intelligence to their human predators and so are well camouflaged when escaping urban areas.

  Special Panda is a unique specimen in that it spends much of its time unsuccessfully trying to lick its ear. I would say that no one likes a special case and therefore it's safe, but that would be un-PC.

  Kung Fu Panda doesn't even need a black belt, you just look at his tail the wrong way and he'll kick your ass.

  The new Sloth Panda subspecies moves at only 1/10th the speed of normal pandas, and has extended claws much like their three toed counterparts. Sadly, sloths are hunted for "traditional" purposes too.

  Closely related to Sloth Panda, we have Sleepy Panda. Here you can see him preparing to play dead. It is believed that there are less than 400 in the wild.

  Like Ronsil, Rabid Panda does exactly what it says on the tin. Appearing angry, aggressive and various other adjectives, potential suitors are scared off before Ronsil returns to climbing trees, eating bamboo and generally being cool.

  Surprised Panda is one of my more recent finds. I am unsure of what their special powers are, apart from looking like Kevin from Roland Rat.

  Toy Panda is an incredibly rare case. By looking, acting and sounding exactly like a cuddly toy, it is therefore able to carry out its daily life freely and without fear of attack.

  Dammit Luton better go ahead on Thursday.

No comments:

Post a Comment