The Definitive YouTube Top Ten

This has honestly been of the most difficult tasks I have ever faced. I haven’t climbed any mountains but I’d imagine that rating YouTube’s red panda videos is similar. Maybe not Everest, but I’d say of at least Kilimanjaro proportions.

For any smart arses out there who might mention a lack of oxygen when ascending to such altitudes, try hyperventilating after laughing for such a long succession of videos. Oh, you want to complain about your legs aching? Try having the muscles in your face hurt from grinning so much. Thankfully being such a well conditioned, experienced athlete in this particular field, recovery should take mere weeks. You? Just be grateful you haven’t had to endure such an arduous, traumatic journey and enjoy digesting the fruits of my labour instead...

10) "You win this time..."

9) When two Ronsils collide.

8) The only one made an Android App.

7) Just a baby bowlin'.

6) Think you can escape me? You better think again.

5) Perhaps the greatest solo performance ever seen.

4) Pandas + Alcohol = Adorable.

3) My only worry is that it appears to have an itchy head.

2) Revenge is a dish best served... Cute.

1) This truly has everything. It is the 'Citizen Kane' of panda videos.

The RPC Manifesto

In a land far, far away, a blessed beast doth roam. The trees it climbs, the plants it eats, and at night it creeps. For this is no ordinary animal... High in the Himalayan hills it is forced to move under a cloak of darkness, the light its foe and the moon its friend. Feeding, sleeping, exploring, it must always act alone. Coming together only to procreate, these hallowed beings are forced to face the world solo; leopards, martens, humans it must also avoid, the price to pay otherwise an untimely death. Their numbers dwindling and their forests disappearing, has this animal any hope? Well, I am glad you asked...

  We at The Red Panda Cult believe not in a single deity, nor a prophet, but only in that of Ailurus fulgens: The Red Panda. For too long these fluffy, cute, huggable balls of fun have been neglected and their plight ignored. Ask anyone on the street how many relevant Youtube videos they’ve watched, and the answer is likely to be a zero. As such, it is our belief, in fact our duty, to not only celebrate and revere these consecrated creatures, but to protect and raise awareness.

  For as little as £6 a day, you can be part of the movement. Are you a smoker? Quit. Have a drink or two after work? Don’t. There are more important things in life. By donating this amount (or indeed more), you can be part of one of the world’s most exclusive clubs. Rewards not only comprise of a key ring, newsletter, a laser printed picture of your choice and Certificate of Pandaship, but you will receive instructions for the secret pawshake and the self-fulfilling glow which comes with knowing you’re playing your part.

  Keen for you to take an active role in our organisation, you will also be invited to attend our various events. These include the famous Youtube Videos on a Big Screen Evening, the Let’s Get Shit-Faced and Talk Crap About Them All Night Night, as well as the Annual Liberation Mission. You will also be encouraged to one day make the journey to our Mecca, the cloud covered highlands of Nepal and China; upon spotting one in their natural habitat, you will be awarded with the lifetime Platinum Panda Membership.

  Meanwhile for every day that you dither, another panda dies. Are you a murderer? Do you support the selfish, carnivorous customs of the leopard, or the tail bandit ways of ignorant local individuals? No, I thought not. Then why wait any longer? Sign up now and allow yourself to enter a new life of care, respect, appreciation and enlightenment. We’ll see you on the other side... 

 [N.B. Donations/fees are non-refundable and in no way go towards my own egotistical needs or plans.]